Friday, 15 February 2008

Dark Muppets of Micky Macky Moo: Elements

Procured Dark Monkeys of Milk and Madness: Elements last night so i gave it an hours go. And as requested by Cheesy-Chair-Bottom-Boy he wants to know my thoughts.

First off the bads (as always):

YOU CAN'T INVERT THE Y AXIS. Now that just makes me want to push my tongue over the top my lower teeth and go 'MMMNNNNNYYYYYEEEEEEEHHHHHH'. Stupid fucking tosspot bellend dickhead spakkas. This is even more stupid than the lack of 'restart race' in Burnout. I was just about to press eject and throw the disk at my twat of a neighbour when i read on the net that you can go into your gamerscore and invert it there (it's under action or something like that), but i mean come on... You spend a year or two making a game these days at the cost of hundreds of thousands of dollars and you don't spend half an hour putting in an option to invert the y on the right stick. Fucking fucktards.

It uses the Source engine from Half Life 2, which was great 3 years ago when it came out but it's looking a bit dated these days. Nothing is particularly impressive, when you want to pick up a corpse you stretch your hands out and the corpse actually gets sucked into your arms. It's looks so much more gay than it sounds. Even does the same when you pick up a cup or plate from a table.

The running is stiff, the voice acting contains as much emotion as a bag of crisps, the storyline is yawntastic (You have to fire a mounted crossbow at a cyclops running around in the courtyard during the 2nd mission , woooooo!).

Walking backwards is about half the speed of walking forward so you can't do the old trick of rushing forward, stabbing them, then stepping back before they hit you so i'm a bit screwed during melee as that was the only tactic i ever used. Well that and shoot them before they get to me.

I read one thing about it saying that if Oblivion is an rpg with action elements then this is an action game with rpg elements and it certainly does seem that way.

The playability of the game isn't too bad, i can't comment too much at the moment as i've only literally played it for an hour and it normally takes me a good few days worth of playing before i can truly make my mind up. Don't know if it's going to be a game that i'll complete but i'll probably play it for a bit and see what happens.

I was expecting something similar to Oblivion and it's really not, it's a lot more of a linear affair and just not as polished as Oblivion. But after Mass Effect I've been hankering for a really decent rpg/fps and this isn't too bad, i've had worse, but not much.

1 comment:

The Drunken Monkey said...

oooh watch out, Jimlad....I've just had the following comment from the cheesey one..

"You do realise that if you keep winding me I will eventually snap and cause you all pain!!!"

Scaaaary.
He also seemed to be under the impression that you & are are now one & the same...in a hetro way, of course.
I explained that, no...Jimbeeer now uses Wordpress...and that's for geeks & fudgepackers of which I am neither.
I kid..I kid..
Keep up the good work. There's a good chap.